6/29/2023 0 Comments I quit all substancesEach person with an addiction is a unique individual with their own experience and needs. Don’t assume you know everything about their addiction simply because you did research. While it’s important that you lay all your feelings out on the table, it’s equally important to listen to the other person as well. When you communicate from a place of empathy and love, your spouse may be more open to listening to your concerns. Instead of, “ you are being an xyz”, try saying, “ when x happens, I feel y” to influence less defensiveness and more desire to unite as a team to address the problem at hand.Īn example would be reframing “ you never want to spend time with me,” which could elicit a defensive or otherwise polarizing response, to, “ I feel lonely and disconnected when we go days without spending any quality time together” which will likely signal to the other person that you want more time together. This is when a person keeps their sharing rooted in their own experience which creates an opportunity to give feedback that is clear, full, and respectful. This can be done through the use of “I-statements”. ![]() Instead of blaming your partner for behavior or actions that have hurt you, try focusing on sharing your feelings and informing them of the impact things have had on your closeness with them. You can start by addressing the situation calmly. It is likely very difficult for them to share their feelings and experiences with you due to that shame as well as fear of rejection and retaliation, even if they know you are loving, caring, and supportive. While in active addiction, your loved one may be experiencing many challenging feelings of their own, including frustration and shame. Address the Issue, Not the PersonĪpproaching your significant other about addiction and your concerns can be tricky, as this can be a sensitive subject. Some additional resources to start with include the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), and the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Here at Mountainside, we have a support group specifically for people in the role of spouse or partner to gain support and guidance around navigating their loved one’s addiction and recovery. You can research free articles, talk with mental health experts, or join a support group or online forum. There are many ways to start educating yourself about addiction. Being able to de-personalize your experience and reframe those narratives to take the disease into account can help you see the reality of the situation and unite with your spouse to address the problem together and make sustainable change. ![]() Understanding that once in active addiction, a person is no longer making choices in terms of critical thinking or assessing short-term and long-term consequences can provide a new perspective into what you are seeing as well as what they are experiencing.įor example, you may be holding onto narratives such as, “ why are they choosing the alcohol over me” or “ if they loved me, they would just stop.” There is a lot of pain in those perspectives and that can create a barrier to being empathetic, understanding, and ultimately supportive. Gaining an understanding of how addiction is a progressive brain disease, rather than a choice or moral failing, can help you move through your own hurt. ![]() It’s a debilitating psychological and physical condition that alters a person’s brain chemistry and controls almost every aspect of their daily life. To first help your addicted partner, you need to realize that addiction is not a choice. All these factors can put a strain on your mental health as well as your connection with them. It might feel as though your relationship is not the priority right now. Your partner may be displaying concerning behaviors, unlike their usual self. If you have never been exposed to alcoholism or drug addiction, it can be difficult to watch your partner struggle with this disease. You’re probably wondering: How do I help my addicted spouse or partner? What should I say? Where do I even start? Although there are no set guidelines on how to handle a loved one’s substance use disorder “the right way”, there are certain “do’s and don’ts” that you should keep in mind. While you may not be in a caretaker role, you likely still feel a level of responsibility in keeping them safe and healthy due to your love for them. ![]() Though the person may be experiencing changes that impact their mood and behavior, at the end of the day you still love them for who they are authentically, outside of their addiction. Loving someone and watching them navigate something you feel powerless over can bring up much fear and pain. Being in a relationship with someone who is using drugs or alcohol might leave you experiencing your own challenging feelings.
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